apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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