Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
