Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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