Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
