We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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