so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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