I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
