just tell him i said nine months
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
