i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
