Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
