i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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