I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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