We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think a kid would responsible me up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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