I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
