I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
