That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
