thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
