I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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