His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The air taste purple.
Randomize
