fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
