Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We need to get me chipped asap
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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