There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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