tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
