Soap is not a condiment
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
