You're my little dorito
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
