I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
