my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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