She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
