i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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