The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
