im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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