I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
