Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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