hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
