I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
