p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
