I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
