You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
