I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
