you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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