Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
