i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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