Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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