I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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