I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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