i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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