so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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