Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
