cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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