We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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