Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
