i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
