maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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