Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
