I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude. I can hear the air.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
