I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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