i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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