i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
