Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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