Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
