Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
