I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
worst night to have a conscience
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
