I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.