yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy