Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.