Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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