he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
