man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
