your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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