Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
