I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
