you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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