During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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