When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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