Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
