i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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