Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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