im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
