I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
