Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
