my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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