You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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