people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
