dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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