If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
