a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Randomize
