Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
