I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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