So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
