You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
